Earlier this year, I had an intriguing dream.
In it, I had a close friend who was depressed about something – I am not sure what. In the dream, so great was his pain that he tried to drown himself in a swimming pool, but as I got into the water to pull him out, he seemed to change his mind and come out by himself. Coming out of the water, I tried to shake ‘some sense’ into him and said , “Look at me, do you know how many things I have long desired? Every time I get something, something else always seems to get in the way”.
It is this statement that intrigued me in the dream even as I said it. I was trying to comfort him and convince him to just carry on, but somehow in the process, I revealed my own heart. Waking up, I remember being so surprised that such thoughts bubbled up from somewhere deep within me. I really think that way? Yes, it turns out I really do.
Although I said that in the dream, I find that the dream put to words a grudge that I have held against life (and perhaps even God) for some time. There always seems to be a caveat in life, side effects or drawbacks of every decision and desire that need to be mitigated. From the words I spoke to my friend, I suddenly realised that I had been grinning and bearing through it all.
Taking it to God in prayer, I found that he affirmed this observation: Nothing in this life will ever bring complete satisfaction. Even when nothing in particular gets in the way, our desires don’t really live up to the hype.
Anyone who has ever completed a university dissertation or a crucial exam after weeks of study knows the crippling pain of that monster called Anticlimax when it is all done. One minute we are excited and happy that our labour is over and we have achieved something. The next, we are like, “Is that all? Is that it?”. And then you find yourself binge watching Netflix, wondering what next to do with your life. You just received something you really desired but it is almost like nothing now.
That’s right, nothing in this life will ever bring complete satisfaction. But still in my prayer and contemplation, I realised something else: I will never know completeness without God. It is God that makes our joys complete.
In a way, I feel we experience disappointment and anticlimax when the greatest of our earthly longings is fulfilled so that we may see that without God, there is neither life nor meaning. Even when he answers our prayers, he points us to discover more of him, not the object of the prayer. And when he doesn’t answer prayers, he still points us to discover more of him, not the object of the prayer.
I am learning that in order to conquer these dissatisfactions and imperfect fulfilments, I must not look at my desires in the first place. Of course I have them. As long as we are on this earth, in this body, we will always want something. Have them, but don’t look at them. Look up to our creator who lovingly completes us.
When you receive what you’ve been waiting for, keep looking up. Don’t look down. When you do not receive what you’ve been waiting for, keep looking up. Never look down. It in him that true unadulterated joy dwells.
For in him we live and move and have our being (Acts 17:28)
The Mark 8 Christian 